Storytelling Week 3
The Hermit
On their long journey our brave traveler Rama finds himself coming across a mysterious secluded area. Upon entering this area and making camp, out of no where and a big flash of smoke and light appears the "Great Pious Hermit", this Hermit was of great significance to Rama but he was yet to learn that significance just yet. For now he was filled with fear and concern as it was fire season and there was a burn ban. However, Rama's fears quickly resided when the Hermit spoke "Hello my dear traveler for we have been waiting many moons for you to visit". Rama was unaware of the significance of his arrival but the Hermit new it was a moment he had been long awaiting. Rama asked "why?' the "so I can drift off to the moon and stars and walk among our brothers and sisters of course". Rama looked on with disbelief. "Now is not the time for looks, but time for great food". The hermit feed them great food. Meals they had heard about but have never seen or eaten in real life. While eating the Hermit told Rama of great stories and tales. And just as Rama was getting into the great tales and stories the Hermit suddenly interjected "It is time"! Rama said "time for what", the hermit replied "it is time for me to go walk among the stars" The Hermit looked at Rama and said "my journey is complete, now you finish yours". And with that finally look the Hermit was gone and vanished. Rama had helped him finally depart and fulfill his journey.
Drawing from Bend Art
Author Notes:
I pushed myself to write on this topic. It is a bit trickier to understand but I felt if I could write on this I could get myself going in the right direction with other topics. I feel the challenge that I gave myself may have been my downfall. I do not think this is my best writing but, my goal for this was to give the story a magical flare and a bit of whimsy. However, I think not completely grasping this section of the story was my weakness. Although, you miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
Bibliography:
The Ramayana Summary, Stephen Knapp, Learn Religions
Shabari, translated by Ralph T.H. Griffith, PDE Ramayana
Hi David! I really enjoyed your story! I could not tell which section of the Ramayana you were talking about though. You may want to add that into your author's note. I agree that you miss all the shots you don't take. Rama is one of my favorite characters of the Ramayana so I was happy to see that your story included him.
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ReplyDeleteHey David! I think the story did a good job of capturing the whimsical nature of a lot of the Ramayana's characters. One thing I would change is the formatting, separating the dialogue from the rest of the paragraphs would make the reading cleaner! As well, I was not sure which story of the Ramayana you are referring to specifically, although I originally suspected it was Hanuman in disguise. Adding your reference story in your authors note would be a good way to highlight the original!
ReplyDeleteHey David, I liked your story; however, as Hannah said, I could not tell which part of the Ramayana you were referring to. Thus, you could add it in your author notes next time! Also, for the future, you should separate the dialogue from the paragraphs, so it is easier for us to read. I agree with you! You should always shoot your shot and see where it takes you.
ReplyDeleteHey David!
ReplyDeleteI want to start of by saying that your authors note really helped me understand your version of the story. Reading that you even had a hard time interpreting the story actually helped me feel a little less confused after reading it. Why exactly did you choose to write this story over one that you understood a bit more? Also, why did the Hermit disappear at that particular point, what set it off? I think it could have been a much better story if you had given some background as to why Rama's presence with the Hermit is what made him go to the stars. I agree with waht you said about it being a whimsical story, but I also think whimsical stories should have a bit more descriptive words in it. Rather than just saying the Hermit told any stories, you could elaborate on what kind of stories he told (uplifting, sad, extravagant). I still appreciate the fact that you wrote about this story. My last story was not my best either.
Hey David,
ReplyDeleteI appreciate that you pushed yourself to write about this topic. Considering that it is many of our's first time reading about traditional Indian epics, I also find myself not being able to fully comprehend certain jakatas as well as I would like. Overall, I can see that you did put in effort to retell the story from your point of view. It is always refreshing to have another write about the same topic but with their own twist and flair. I see that you have incorporated dialogues in your story. However, it can be quite difficult to decipher the narrative portion and dialogues, if those sentences are all put together in one paragraph. Perhaps you may consider breaking the paragraph structure? I think you can elevate your story by giving more attention to your dialogues.
Hi David! This was a very tricky and difficult thing to write about and good thing that you have included an author's note as I was struggling to understand what your story was supposed to be about. Resorting to the author's note allowed me to try and identify who is who and what is being related to what. I feel that although having dialogue would be important and useful, in some cases it is not and it is not needed. Having too much dialogue takes the focus away from the main characters and the story itself. Maybe focusing on this suggestion next story would help evolve the story writing and have better portfolios! Good job David.
ReplyDeleteHello David,
ReplyDeleteI like the set up for your pages. I also enjoyed your post for your story. I just got done checking out your blog and found it fascinating as well. I thought this story was a good fit bringing together both WWII as well as the Epics of India. I like the way you portrayed Rama. I also like how in the next story you brought Rama and Sita together. Very creative!